It’s Going to be OK
I was driving through a dark, turbulent rainstorm near sunset when it should have been light, but mean black clouds violently darkened the world around me. The scary weather outside matched the feeling inside me as I sobbed about the loneliness and hurt that welled up in my heart. After pouring so much of myself into the alcoholic expecting her to get better, promises and dreams were shattered beyond my desire to even live. Hopelessness was not only tempting but the only logical reality to the betrayals and injuries inflicted by the alcoholic.
As I began the death spiral of thoughts, I remembered my sponsor saying “It’s going to be OK” over and over. He would say that God was not surprised by the insane events that rocked our family. It’s going to be OK. “Really? It’s going to be OK?” I asked. I tried to think of any other thing than the swirling dark clouds, and I recalled the many beautiful sunsets I had enjoyed on this same stretch of road. I visualized the certain reality that above this stormy mess was a glorious and beautiful sunset. Just as I couldn’t see that sunset, I sensed its presence as a reminder of God’s presence even in the midst of hopelessness. As did the rain, my tears continued, but the feeling of hopelessness was replaced with gratitude and hope.
That memorable evening was a reminder that even though I can’t always see it, God does have a plan for my life just as real as the unseen sunset. Even in the darkest storm, the sun is still shining above. I love to remember that because of perspective there are billions of beauty-filled sunsets dynamically being painted around the earth 24/7. The storm eventually ends, the sun comes out, warmth returns, and the hopelessness I sometimes experience can be overcome by shining the light of God’s love on any situation. The gift of Al-Anon reminds me that different perspectives can shine a much more pleasant truth on any difficulty and assures me that no matter what, it really is going to be OK.